Paus: Swedish for playing hooky.

Paus (pronounced pows) is the Swedish word for "on a break", "timeout", or quite obviously "pause". (It's just way more fun to say in a Swedish accent though right?)

Today I played hooky.  Yup.  After a season of repeatedly over-booking myself, over-committing my time and stretching my balance to within an inch of it's life I finally decided to press 'paus'.  And while yes, yoga does teach one balance - it is a practice. Imagine that if we could all just do enough vrikshasana (tree pose), our life balance would just sort itself out?!  Balance is a choice and I choose balance.   The balance pendulum continues to swing back and forth back and forth like tree's blowing in the wind. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'm in no way out of the ordinary in the hooky department.  As it turns out,  just over half of Canadians (52%) have called in sick to work when in fact they're not actually ill.  Personally I can't believe the stat is so low.  People carry on for most of their lives working 50 out of 52 weeks a year.  Just when two weeks of vacation per year was ever supportive to work/life balance is beyond me. 

With North Americans ringing in with some of the least vacation time and the worst work place productivity globally it's baffling that the Leaders of the Free World haven't clued in to simple work life balance protocol that has been around for centuries.  What ever happened to the simple siesta?  The long lunch?  No wonder more and more peeps are calling in and passing off their groggy morning voices as the flu.

Lucky for moi I work in a forward thinking industry.  Or shall we say backwards thinking?  Yoga philosophy dates back to the vedic ages and the concept of ahimsa so appropriately translates the sanskrit practice of 'non-violence' or 'non-injury'.  This yama (sanskrit word for moral restraint) encompasses the practice of compassion and consideration for all living beings.  Overworking your body both physically or mentally is neglecting to take care and, as such, is a form of misuse. 

Interestingly, my boss renamed our 'sick' days to 'health & wellness' days earlier this year so that they better reflect a supportive and all encompassing personal health approach.  Sometimes we just need to take a day to nurture ourselves and press 'paus'.  In a conventional work environment I would have been in a position to lie about my personal health in order to 'chuck a sicky'.  Instead the space was created for me to be totally honest about feeling that I just needed to take an extra day for my personal well being.  (Which in turn fascilitates my practice of satya, the sanskrit word for truthfulness.) 

Preconditioned feelings of guilt and not-enough-ness bubbled up as I confessed I needed to take the day.  Magically these disappeared almost as quickly as they surfaced when my request was smothered with my boss' blessings.  And so I went about my day.  Meditation.  Skype date with mom and sister.  Retail therapy.  Baking.  Blogging.  Nurturing.  Relaxing.  Not worrying.  Enjoying.  Reconnecting with Balance.  Refilling the tank.  Being Present.




Press 'paus' and visit www.vibeyoga.ca

Fear's annoying little sister...

Doubt and fear.  Fear and doubt.  Oh how these two little doozies just keep rearing their ugly heads at me this week.  Especially big "Dizzy-D".  Doubt.  It seems Big D just keeps bullying her way into all facets of my life.  (Note the lack of personal responsibility here.)  I doubt my ability to teach a good class...  I worry about what my students think...  I doubt that they like me...  I doubt that I'm worthy to teach...  I doubt I'm good enough...  Ahhh - you've heard that one before. Those two, infamous words that so many of us hold so close to our hearts that we might as well just get them tattooed there.  We surrender so much of the Power of Living our Best Lives to the toxicity of Doubt.  Yup - self sabotage at it's finest.  I know I'm not alone in this one - we really are our worst enemies aren't we?

But where does Doubt come from? Why did we invite her in?  She's like your best friends annoying little sister who was 2 years younger than you. Remember her?  Remember how you just didn't want to play with her but your mom told you to 'play nice' so you kept her around but instead (sneakily) changed the rules so that instead of playing with her, you would constantly be running away from her?  Isn't that essentially what we're still doing though - running away from 'her'?  And where is that getting us other then to feed that belt of anxiety we sport like a life preserver around our solar plexus?  Oh sigh - to think that we could be Free.

Let's stand in possibility for a moment.  What if... you heeded your mothers advice (for once.)  What if you made friends with your best friends annoying little sister?  (I know - I can hear the whiny "But Mommmm" hanging in the air now.)  What if instead of running away from Doubt we befriended her?  What if she's just like us?  Full of hopes and fears and annoying little sibblings of her own?  Is it possible that instead of covering Doubt with mantras of:  "I think I can.  I like myself.  I am good enough." we harnessed her power on our side.  As our friend.  So instead of working against us, she worked with us.  As part of us.  Enabling us to be more authentic.  More real.  More ME.  Not to give into her, but to befriend her.

And that's really how you make friends and get people to like us anyways isn't it?  The vulnerability of being authentic.

"The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others.  And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion.  A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom"  -Osho 'Courage The Joy of Living Dangerously'

a trying 8 days 8 nights.

"Trying" are the days of the modern family.  Or are they?  My in-laws are on the west coast visiting us this week.  After forking over big bucks on flights to get here, to save on dough, they're shackin' up with us in our teeny 1 bedroom apartment for 8 days and 8 nights.  Before you question my judgement let me preface this with the fact that I get on famously with my in-laws.  They're awesome and I really couldn't manifest in-laws more fun or more loving to click with.  (And I'm fully sick at manifesting bru.) While on the surface, I was totally stoked to show them a great time in our new city, deep down I was secretly dreading the whole thing.  Don't get me wrong,  I'm no sissy-pants and am happy to give up my cushy queen sized for the Canadian Tire Special inflata-bed for 8 precious sleeps.  It's just, you know, the close-quarters.. the living on top of one-another like crabs in a bucket.. the no quiet time.  (Sorry Mr. Chopra, our 21 day meditation challenge just became the sacrificial lamb.)

My last night in my own bed leading up to their visit was spent tossing and turning restlessly resulting in an exhausted meltdown the morning of their arrival.  (Insert the visual of a tantrum tossing 32 year old here.)  I was already feeling so tired when all I really wanted to do was be fully gung-ho, fully engaged and fully switched "on" to show them the best time.. you know - for them.  That dangerous Dame Resentment began to trickle in...

After a long day at the office, (it's a yoga studio and I sit on bolsters and type on a laptop rough - I know.), I dragged my feet home repeating sweet sweet revitalizing mantras in my mind (but really not buying into their hippy voodoo bullshit).  But as I stepped through the doorway the strangest thing happened.  Instead of morphing into a fake enthusiastic hostess (the image of a robotic Stepford Wife springs to mind) I was warmly welcomed with hugs and kisses and such loving energy into my own home by my Sangha (yoga word for community) - my Family.

Their love filled me up.  It energized me.  I was excited even elated to see them.  I was instantly washed clean of all my "trying" to be anything other than myself.  How had I forgotten to just be me?  A forgetfulness of ourselves that seems to permeate all facets of our lives - into all our roles.  When else do we become Stepford Wives (or Stepford hubbies.. sisters or brothers for that matter?)  Where in our lives are we trying to be something else, someone else, to change ourselves to fulfill our preconceived expectations of what other people "expect" of us.  (My yoga "teacher voice" suddenly pops into my head.)

When we are surrounded by sangha, by family, by those we love and who love us - all that trying melts away.  It dissolves into the Universe.  Whats left is us.  Pure you.  Naked of all that effort.  All that trying.  And you're loved just for that.  Just.  You.

Such is the importance of the modern family.  The Sangha.  The community.  The support of those who Love us is paramount to us being our authentic selves.  Connect with yours and quit your trying.

dreamasana...

 manifesting this as my future lululemon athletica ambassador photo - photo courtesy of tiny devotions

to all my teachers...

A shout out to my hommies:  Ekhart, Deepak, Mr. Milman, HH, Guruji and Siddhartha (among others).  Thanks for all those times you spoke up and shared your words of wisdom and kind advice.  I know, I know, I didn't always want to hear it, or make it easy on you, but you held true in your belief in me and never wavered when I faltered.   In doing so you have secured yourselves a cozy little nook deep within me.  You (or I) have carved out a space for you to live - to keep the wisdom of your teachings close to my heart where they are close at hand when I (inevitably) hit a bump in the road.

And to my single ladies: Lizzy G, Gretchen, Marianne, (Tosca you too).  Thank you for making me laugh.  For creating the space for me to be 'enough'.  For inspiring me with your own lives that we are all continuously learning.  For wiping my tears when you've stoked a tear (and a fear) and then following it up with something warm and fuzzy like a big long hug.  You will get to party in the space in my heart with the hommies (see above).  The gang continues to grow as I continue to live and learn and together we will consciously create the life we love.

Eternally grateful to all my teachers.  Inspired to pass on, in my own way, what I've learned to help elevate others and our world.

Yours in health & love.
Namaste.

christi

aha moment

I think it's working.  The yoga that is.  And by yoga, I mean my personal combo of asanas, meditation, pranayama, inspired reading, and mindfulness in everyday living. This is my personal practice.  I'm of the mindset that there is no right or wrong way pursue your yogic path but that different practices will resonate with you and so be it you choose them.  The important thing for a learner like me is to be constantly growing.  So in my reading, my bending, my breathing and my sitting, I learn.  And from this, I take what I want, I leave what I don't want and I create a mosaic of practices that colour my practice.

The more I practice and the more I reflect, the more I find myself taking my yoga off the mat   This manifests in the form of a larger and larger 'space between' action and my reaction.  And as much as I'm recognizing shifts (albeit often teensy weensy ones) in my ability to observe my mind and my emotions, I certainly have yet to 'master' inner equanimity.

Relationships are one of the most interesting (and challenging) things that take our yoga off the mat.  Take my relationship with my fiance for example (because what better example is there than the one that hits closest to home).  I've realized that I am a 'should-er'.  I am great at telling him (or anyone for that matter - sorry mum) what they 'should' do, how they 'should' do it and all the other the 'shoulds' that come along with it.  I know I know I can hear him now, a miniature Eckhart Tolle sitting on my shoulder whispering sweet nothings about my ego in my ear. 

And so yesterday, something quite odd happened.  My spouse didn't do what I wanted him to do.  Odd I know!  He decided he didn't want to come to the yoga book club with me and that he'd rather stay at home and have a cup of coffee instead.  Hmmm.  Space between.  Space between.  Hmmm.  A nice knot of energy twisted itself to my core as I stomped my way down to the studio (after telling him that of course he could do whatever he liked but really thinking to myself 'Doesn't he see?!  This would be sooo good for him!)

As it turns out, the only person the book club was really good for was me (though I didn't quite grasp this yet).  I showed up at book club.  We were from various walks of life with an equally diverse experience with all types of yoga practice. Yup, from novice to pretzel, a group of 13 strangers sat cross-legged in a circle and spent 2 hours chatting about The Inner Tradition of Yoga. We shared our questions, personal challenges and quests to 'live' yoga and wound down the session with a short group meditation.  Following the meditation,  a really nice warm fuzzy sense of interconnectedness and belonging began to well up in me (and conveniently replaced the knot).  As diverse a group as we were with everyone holding a different personal practice, a different set of values and certainly a variety of yoga philosophy, there was a strong commonality among us.

And then it happened on my blissful and mindless walk home.  AHA!  The newbies to yoga could gain as much as the hardcore practitioners from the book club.  They showed up because, whatever their reasons maybe, they were interested in yoga philosophy and community.  Everyone was on a different stage on their path and this was one of the stepping stones for them at this point on their journey.  They were choosing to take what they wanted and leave what they didn't want.  Why was I persecuting my other half for choosing not to attend?  Couldn't I be celebrating where he's at on his path and taking what he wanted?  Instead of constantly pushing the 'shoulds' and wanting him to step outside his comfort zone, couldn't I embrace his personal practice or that he is open to yoga at all for that matter?!

And so in that moment I made a conscious choice to view things differently.  I embraced 'could' and the beautiful space of possibility it opened up compared to the ever-limiting 'should'.   This decision created a simultaneous softening and opening in my core. Clearly my awareness of my all-pervasive 'judgement' blindspots has only scratched the surface (an image of an iceberg above and below water comes to mind.  As does the icky feeling of acknowledging the parts of you we dislike and like to keep hidden).  All part of the journey.  And the sweet cherry on top of today's lesson on the self, was that when I walked in the door at home, my man had his mat rolled out and was practicing yoga in the living room.  Thanks Universe.  I'm listening.
 

a smidgen of inspiration and wisdom...

They ain't kidding when they say 'a picture is worth a thousand words'.  So instead of describing the inspiration, emotion and wisdom that oozes out of the following images I'll just let you sponge up what they mean for you.  What bubbles up for me, from a yogic perspective is: Living our Dharma (yoga word for life purpose) while embracing detachment enables us float on a cloud of equanimity.  For more inspiring quotes and images, Pinterest is always chockablock full of juicy goodness. 

So simple.  So wise.  Finding contentment in simplicity.